Dear Fiona,
Help! My 15-year-old son wants to paint his bedroom black. I’ve said no, several times, because currently his bedroom is papered in Morris & Co Willow Bough, with matching blinds (the aim was to give him something that would serve through adolescence to adulthood) – but he keeps coming back to it, and it inevitably descends into an argument. He’s passionate about skateboarding and says William Morris is ‘not a match for his aesthetic.’ Nor, he tells me, is the set of John James Audubon ornithological prints that were a Christening present from his grandparents, or even a Howard chair.
The armchair and the prints, however, can be relocated to another room. The black is trickier, and I suppose my concerns are two-fold. Firstly, in terms of my aesthetic, I love the Willow Bough, and I’m simultaneously not thrilled about having a black room in the house. It’s so dark, and I suspect it would open the floodgates to hideous accessories (he wants a giant beanbag.) Secondly, I’m rather hoping that this is just a phase, but that raises the possibility that if I did allow the black then in 18 months’ time he could regret it. Is this likely? And if so, do I just hold out for a bit longer until the desire has passed? Perhaps I can bribe him with something else? Or, is there a way through via some sort of decorating compromise?
All advice gratefully received!
With love,
Paint It Black XX
Dear Paint It Black,
Thank you for your letter. I have a 15-year-old son myself, as well as a 14-year-old daughter, and I can’t pretend to be finding this period of individuation plain sailing – individuation being the Carl Jung-coined term that describes the separating of identities and interests, theirs from ours. It can manifest in clothes (my son has a growing collection of vintage army shirts which I loathe), taste in music, and – as you’ve discovered – the decoration of personal space. It’s a completely normal phase, but it’s difficult for us because it can feel like rejection. Moreover, it takes place at the same time as a restructuring of the parent-child relationship, when we go from making decisions for our child, to observing and guiding – or, at least, that’s what we’re apparently meant to do. (My son seems impervious to subtle hints about the occasional inappropriateness of camouflage, meaning that I still, at times, resort to dictating his wardrobe choices.)
Reading your description, I can only agree that you created a lovely room for your son. I’m very fond of a full look, and I don’t imagine that it was an inexpensive undertaking. I can’t tell you whether he’s likely to rediscover a love for the pattern in 18-months’ time, though experience has informed me that most of us do tend to revert to the taste of our parents eventually (usually, it has to be said, only once we've left the family home). In the meantime, contemporary psychologists maintain that there is place in the individuation process for both boundaries and bargaining, and thus your options are varied.
Let’s start with the fact that Lulu Lytle of Soane talked her teenage son out of black bedroom walls (it’s evidently a popular request), while Alexandra Tolstoy offered one of hers a cash incentive to live with Sibyl Colefax & John Fowler Squiggle. So yes, you could use your powers of persuasion and bribery to retain the room as it is – and I know that, if I were in your position, I would doubtlessly be tempted to do that. Another idea might be to allow your son to co-opt a different, less beautifully decorated room – though this only works if you’ve got such a spare.
However, you also mooted the idea of compromise. And here I’d like to point out that black is, yes, dark – however dark, when it comes to decorating, isn’t impossible. ‘Every room needs a piece of black’ was one of the great John Fowler’s most oft-repeated adages. There are soft chalky black walls in a couple of rooms at Charleston Farmhouse. And the architect Sir Edwin Lutyens favoured high-shine black for bringing out architectural detail. At the more contemporary end, Miles Redd has a gloss-black kitchen (he likens it to a Japanese bento box), and Angus Buchanan of Buchanan Studio has described using black as a neutral. Perhaps it would be possible to pair this knowledge with the tips we’ve been given for decorating with children – which is quite different from decorating for children. The key, says Sibyl Colefax & John Fowler Director Lucy Hammond Giles (another mother of teenage boys), is to do the work for them in terms of research. ‘You’ve got to give them choice – because everybody appreciates choice – but narrow it down.’
And so, I took an investigative trip to our local indoor skate park. And though I did find a black room with oversized bean bags and repurposed beer kegs-as-tables (I quite understand why you wouldn’t want that) I also discovered that there is crossover between William Morris and skate culture – which your son might be interested to know. It can be found in the anti-mass production ethos, intricate graphic illustration, and desire for affordability. I then remembered the artists and artists’ estates who have collaborated with The Skateroom to produce limited edition skateboard decks – a list that includes Grayson Perry. I have one of his, and it hangs against a Cole & Son floral wallpaper.
Further enquiries revealed the Lulu Lytle coaxed her son into dark grey instead of black. Without knowing what colourway of Willow Bough you’ve employed, I wonder if the darkest colour in there might work as a feature wall (hear me out) in chalkboard paint, which could then serve to hold posters, flyers, examples of those skate culture graphics, and – er – revision timetables (we can all dream.) If you put it on the same wall as the door, you won’t even see it unless you go into the room. That same colour could look rather good on a beanbag covered in elevating corduroy. And together with some newly acquired art from The Skateroom, it might be enough to make your son feel that his bedroom is more reflective of his aesthetic.
Or it might not be. In which case, useful to know is that there is a Willow Bough-saving solution, which is to batten and board the room, i.e. to create false walls in front of the wallpaper. There is a particular method you’d need to use – hurray for YouTube videos – and it’s a faff, but it would allow your son the fulfilment of his vision, and the possibility of changing it back, while you (theoretically) remain relaxed.
The success of a dark-coloured room – or a black room – comes down to its treatment and what you pair it with. Crisp white is an obvious contrast and is, I’m told, ‘a foundational skate culture colour combo’, and one that has been successfully employed by a whole host of designers including Buchanan Studio, whose Studio Chair in black and white stripes might prove an appealing alternative to a beanbag. For further palette ideas, Tamsin Saunders of Home & Found recommends looking to the paintings of Milton Avery, who used expanses of black in almost every canvas – while the guy who runs our local indoor skate park suggested looking through skate ‘zines.
But there is yet one other option, and that is to allow your son an almost completely free reign (you may want to provide some budgetary provisos.) Returning to Jung, he viewed the home as one of the ultimate symbols of the human psyche (which, as interiors enthusiasts, we know). Worth remembering is how many of our leading interior designers spent their teenage years rearranging their bedroom furniture and experimenting with colour; Francis Sultana, influenced by David Hicks, had a bedroom that was ‘bamboo and fire-engine red’. You might find yourself blown away by what your son comes up with – though equally, you might not. Either way, the risk can be mitigated. If you do loathe it, Lucy advises, ‘make sure their bedroom door is really beautiful – maybe sound-proofed baize – and resign yourself to keeping it shut.’
So good luck! And I hope that within this you find a workable idea or two. It’s easy for me to say, as it’s not my Willow Bough in jeopardy, but I am quite intrigued by what a skate culture-William Morris mash-up could look like and would be thrilled to see pictures if that is a route that is chosen.
With love,
Fiona XX
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